It’s now September 2. The art show is coming up in a few weeks and I have no idea how exactly it will go. Part of me is worried about how my expectations are too high. My imagination runs wild: I’ll be sitting there, alone, in the rain, stormy clouds threatening lightning. The pool noodles that I meant to bring I have lost somehow. My tent collapses. While I’m desperately trying to recover my art, someone steals my Square Reader. I’ll be pleading with people if they could simply just e-transfer funds. They walk away and laugh at me, saying, “What a failure”.
The pragmatic, real me then says: “What is the probability of all this occurring? All at once?”
Being realistic
It’s possible I’m going to forget something and overlook some detail. I’ve been reminded by more veteran artists that everything is a learning process. I am reminded of my past experiences – what I have labelled for many years as failures – and with time, I have started to see them more as stepping stones in a much larger narrative.
I am trying to accept that I’m going to have to adapt on the fly. I will make it to the other side.
Bringing back the optimism
I’m lacking the optimism in all of this. What if it goes splendidly well? What if I am surrounded by friends? What if people come by and say they like my work? I try not to be too grandiose in my aspirations. The possibility of breaking even on this seems remote. While I’ve kept tally of expenses, part of me doesn’t really want to look at the numbers.
It is a constant see-saw of emotions. But if I am resolute, I remain steadfast in the bigger picture.
Where I am gaining clarity
I started reading The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. It’s a big book so might take me a while, but I’m hoping there will be some gold nugget that will inspire me to trounce my fears.
The cover image of this is a work in progress as I wanted to do something more on my self-proclaimed mental health theme. It’s been cool seeing it come together.
Making the fears tangible
Waking up in the middle of the night brings the worst fears out. One evening, I came up with the below comic in my sketchbook. It’s not exactly on brand with my regular Bonanola stuff, but thought it was on point with this topic today. Enjoy.
